Four year journey

Today I got my bachelors degree and I am feeling very happy because it was a very long, testing and tough four years journey for me…the story starts with my first semester….. I was very confident student with a high self esteem and self respect but who’s going to know that in coming years I have to face very crucial time  and as the time passes  first I realized that the course I have to study is not of my type or somewhat on technical side like it had mathematics and programming etc and I always used to hate maths specially…so as  the time passes I started getting low grades (as expected) and at the end of first semester my self esteem and self respect was very much damaged and with damaged respect i start losing my confidence because I started seeing myself as a looser… with the start of second semester I decided firmly that I will study and aimed for scoring good grades so that I can be in good books of all my class mates but nature has its own plans for us…so at the start of second semester my father suffered a swear heart attack (and I didn’t really told anyone in class & now I wonder how fool I used to be)….at that time I lost complete focus from my studies because i used to look after my family business in morning and used to attend classes in evening and I was really unable to focus on study  and at the end of second semester  i was not only fail in one subject but I was also came on probation….with the start of third semester I had two challenges to deal with one was to score some good marks so that university can’t kick me out and the other one was to gain back my self respect and self esteem so that I can walk and talk with my class mates confidently and proudly. It was a very tough time for me I used to think of if & else situations like if I hadn’t took admission in this course or if I am unable to get good marks then university will throw me out and many things like that…I used to think “if” committing suicide is not harram(illegal)  then I would had done that and many other things like this….but I proved my self to be tough enough and I scored enough marks to continue my study…with the start of fourth semester nothing was really changed except that I start writing articles on blog and started expressing  my feelings ,frustration and thinking…fifth ,sixth & seventh semester’s were  alright because I started scoring marks and some respect plus some self confidence………sixth semester I was totally torn apart from inside because my self confidence was broken in pieces , I was like a boy looking for someone to help me  understand me and motivate me…from sixth semester onwards I tried my best and scored some very good marks in many subjects and with the start of my last  semester i started feeling quite confident about my self  and now when I am graduated I am confident as I was in first semester….just thinking what I got and what I lost..