Four year journey

Today I got my bachelors degree and I am feeling very happy because it was a very long, testing and tough four years journey for me…the story starts with my first semester….. I was very confident student with a high self esteem and self respect but who’s going to know that in coming years I have to face very crucial time  and as the time passes  first I realized that the course I have to study is not of my type or somewhat on technical side like it had mathematics and programming etc and I always used to hate maths specially…so as  the time passes I started getting low grades (as expected) and at the end of first semester my self esteem and self respect was very much damaged and with damaged respect i start losing my confidence because I started seeing myself as a looser… with the start of second semester I decided firmly that I will study and aimed for scoring good grades so that I can be in good books of all my class mates but nature has its own plans for us…so at the start of second semester my father suffered a swear heart attack (and I didn’t really told anyone in class & now I wonder how fool I used to be)….at that time I lost complete focus from my studies because i used to look after my family business in morning and used to attend classes in evening and I was really unable to focus on study  and at the end of second semester  i was not only fail in one subject but I was also came on probation….with the start of third semester I had two challenges to deal with one was to score some good marks so that university can’t kick me out and the other one was to gain back my self respect and self esteem so that I can walk and talk with my class mates confidently and proudly. It was a very tough time for me I used to think of if & else situations like if I hadn’t took admission in this course or if I am unable to get good marks then university will throw me out and many things like that…I used to think “if” committing suicide is not harram(illegal)  then I would had done that and many other things like this….but I proved my self to be tough enough and I scored enough marks to continue my study…with the start of fourth semester nothing was really changed except that I start writing articles on blog and started expressing  my feelings ,frustration and thinking…fifth ,sixth & seventh semester’s were  alright because I started scoring marks and some respect plus some self confidence………sixth semester I was totally torn apart from inside because my self confidence was broken in pieces , I was like a boy looking for someone to help me  understand me and motivate me…from sixth semester onwards I tried my best and scored some very good marks in many subjects and with the start of my last  semester i started feeling quite confident about my self  and now when I am graduated I am confident as I was in first semester….just thinking what I got and what I lost..

Free Your self

You know what there will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. It is a fact that we all must face. However, if you realize that God is a best friend that stands beside you when others throw stones you will never be afraid, never feel worthless and never feel alone..
before you can live freely a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free...

What I Say to Myself

You know what...Whenever I get worried or whenever another person makes me worry, I remember the lines of a famous sufi writer (and a former bureaucrat). And when I do that, I manage to smile and move on. The writer said that whenever an individual is worried, whenever he feels perturbed or helpless, he should say to himself a particular English phrase — and if he does that, it will help. And that English phrase is ‘let it go’.

At first, I was quite skeptical about this whole exercise — how could simply saying a phrase alter how I was feeling at a particular point in time? However, I tried it and was startled by the results. For instance, if someone was rude to me normally I would flare up and get angry but before exhibiting that sentiment I tried saying ‘let it go’ over and over to myself. And lo and behold — the anger that had surfaced in me soon subsided and I was able to move past it.

Now, whenever someone is rude to me, or puts me down, or makes a fool of me, or takes away my rights, instead of getting angry and seeking revenge all I do is say this phrase repeatedly to myself and it becomes alright. The more I thought about my reaction to the use of this phrase, the more I began to realise that most of my issues and problems have an ‘expiry date’. Now this can vary from problem to problem but if I act patiently, not react in a negative manner and wait out the said period then the problem automatically gets resolved.

As for the writer who came up with this phrase, it is none other than the author ofShahabnama, Qudratullah Shahab. His autobiography created a stir not only in Urdu literature but also in contemporary society so much so that there will hardly be an educated person in Pakistan today who has not heard of him.

Some Thing Inside From Heart

 I've looked out a lot of windows and watched thousands of people. I've loved...and lost in love. I've lived happiness and experienced sadness. I've dealt with deep pain and shared deep thoughts. I lost my best friend and had best friends who lost me. I lived in a negative world with suicide on the tip of my tongue, but my mind decided to focus on the positive and let Allah make that decision for me. I have a personal relationship with my Allah, because no one knows me like he does and no one cares like he does. I am real and I am me....I'm still not sure who that is, but when I wonder about myself, I smile. I've made it this far and....... I've come a long way...
Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like me. They’re lonely. They’re missing somebody. They’re in love with someone they probably shouldn’t be in love with. They have secrets you wouldn’t believe. They wish and they dream and they hope, and they look out the window whenever they’re in the car or on a bus or a train and they watch people on the streets and wonder what they’ve been through. They wonder if there are people out there like them. They’re like you, and you could tell them everything and they would understand.
 

What we Are

You know what there are about 18 million people in this country and each one them have their own Islam and they think their Islam is right....Just like that one of my teacher in university whose Islam seems to start with beard and ends on Jeans..He thinks that Wearing Jeans and pants is not allowed in Islam because it is a dress of non believers and we should not wear it ....  you know i can literally prove it  that its not like that but leave it i am not gonna get into that....okay fine even if he is right, problem is one half year passed and no one changed accordingly and doesn't listen to the respected teacher teachings by heart at all why???

The answer is because he him self lacks some basic things of religion, humanity and character which are also very important from which other think how good human you are and consequently a good Muslim, like he is an intolerant man he often show anger on small things like once he betrayed and abused our class Cr badly....he even doesn't have tolerance to respect and listen to other point of view,he thinks what he think is right and that's hell of a bad thing its self....he is also not equal to all the students in class like once in exam i asked him about a question given in exam and he said "i dont know" and after few minutes when same question was asked by female topper of the class he guided her now what is this,...he said to me recently"don't argue with me" now what is this? this can't be one sided otherwise no one will listen to him..In Islam back biting is also strictly not allowed but we do it anyway, in Islam telling a lie is also a sin but we daily lie on small small things,in Islam smoking, drinking ,bad thinking, is also not allowed by we do it any way. In Islam snatching others Right is also not allowed and many many more.Islam is a complete way of life it is not limited to jeans and pants there are other things too.

Tell me "if one person who is having beard and wear "Islamic dressing" but he is not tolerant to other people and hurt others feelings,who doesn't respect other point of view and is also not fair and who back bit on people and lie and who doesn't care about his neighbors and do other wrong things is "Good" or the one who wears jeans and does not do anything mentioned above...

The thing i want to say is that we need to show some character first...if you analyze first 40 years before Rasalat of Prophet Muhammad(P.B.U.H) he first developed his character to people..

why our approach is so Rigid and hard and not flexible....there are many examples i can cote here about flexibility in Islam but leave........(to be continued).

Ashoka Rocks

You know what the city where i live have some real historic things to see and whenever I see those historic things many questions pop up in my mind and with those questions i always feel so low at times….one of those historic things are Ashoka rocks which i often see coming back from university to home.Ashoka rocks were built by king named as Ashoka around 5000 BC.

On those big monuments king ashoka commandments are carved in sanseckrit language.now i often pass by to those monuments and think that this place was there 5000 years ago and its still there the mountains located here are still there a stream behind those rocks is there by by don't know how many millenniums and i think 5000 years back people like us were living here and up to now millions of people have born and died and many of them were very great than us in their own way but now in today's age no one knows who they were?and then i think one day just like those people when i die,shall my name vanish like millions of those people before?this thought makes me sad but also motivate me to do something in life before it end like umera ahmed said "zindagi main ap ke entry jaisi marzi ho exit shandar honi chaheay,dramatic,tragic,naqabil e faramosh"...and summing up with the words of Haidar ali Atish:
                                                         "Na gor-e-Sikandar, na qabar-e-dara
                                                          Mitay naamion kay nishaan kaisay kaisay."

Second Half of Chess Board

Chess was invented by Seeza during the rule of ghuppta family rule in sub-continent and with its invention a very interesting story is related....seeza went to the king with the game of chess,king liked game and gave seeza the right to name his prize for the invention.....seeza thought for a second and asked my lord"some grains of wheat"...king asked what do u mean?seeza asked my lord,fill the squares of chess with grains but according to my formula which is that for the first square of the chess board, he would receive one grain of wheat , two for the second one, four on the third one,eight on fourth on and so on, doubling the amount each time untill the last 64 column. The ruler, arithmetically unaware, quickly accepted the inventor's offer, even getting offended by his perceived notion that the inventor was asking for such a low price, and ordered the treasurer to count and hand over the wheat to the inventor.....when the mathematicians of king reached at the end of fourth row the wheat of grains in whole country got finished.....when the treasurer took more than a week to calculate the amount of wheat, the ruler asked him for a reason for his tardiness.treasurer explained that it would take more than all the assets of the kingdom to give the inventor the reward but they were unable to tell king exact amount of grains a 64 squares will take....this was approximated by Bill gates after 3500 years he says that if we put nineteen zeros in front of 1,this amount is the total amount of grains a 64 squares of chess will contain...according to bill gates if we put 1 billion grains in one container then we will need 18 billion containers to reach total amount and to count those grains we will need 2 million years......now what happens to inventor of chess seeza,well,when king reaches on fourth row he ordered seeza to arrest and further he was killed and that's how inventor of chess died.